The High Tech Way

Baptism, part II

After receiving my most recent email, the pastor has kindly agreed to remove the word Confirmation from what we will have to say as parents during the Baptism, which brings it to something I can live with.  What a relief.  I was getting to my want-to-go-hide-in-my-bathtub-until-this-whole-thing-is-over state.  I hate conflict. And it was getting so that it would be between hating myself or disappointing someone I love, my mother-in-law.  So glad to have it resolved.

Baptism

David's family is Lutheran, Missouri Synod -- very conservative and Biblical literalists.  I grew up not in any particular church, but when I went to one it was Unitarian -- about as liberal as you can get.  They believe that you need to pursue your own spirituality and rely on a variety of texts, not just the Bible.  They say "Deeds, not creeds."  They believe it's all the same God. My mother was raised Catholic and left the church because they were not interested in answering her questions -- sating her intellectual curiosity.  My father's side was Unitarian.  I am a person of faith, but not one of religion.

David and I have avoided joining a church, and Jack has not been Baptized.  Much of this has to do with our joint ambivalence toward many of the messages in his family's church.

His mother has asked that we Baptize Jack before we move, which means a lot to her and we would like to do it to make her happy.  But to do it before we move leaves just this Sunday left. 

We asked the pastor at David's brother's church if he would do it.  He said he would. I asked him about specific language the parents must say.  He said they are asked "will you seek God's help and the Holy Spirit's guidance in raising your child and His to fear (respect), love, and trust in God in daily living, regular worship, Sunday School, Confirmation, and youth ministry."  Parent's then answer, "Yes, with the help of God."

I asked for a change in the wording to this: “will you seek God's help and the Holy Spirit's guidance in raising your child and His to respect [instead of fear], love, and trust in God in daily living, and regular worship?”

So far the pastor has come back to me suggesting that the wording stand as is because it is really about providing consistent spiritual habits until they reach adulthood and are able to make decisions on their own.

I was excited about the Baptism with the new wording, but with the wording staying the same it makes me uncomfortable. It makes me feel like I will be lying to God.

Here is what I said in my email to the pastor, requesting the change in language:

David and I are wondering if you would consider changing the wording slightly for us. We ask not out of disrespect. Not at all. But we want to make sure we are being completely honest in God’s house.

Would you consider: “will you seek God's help and the Holy Spirit's guidance in raising your child and His to respect [instead of fear], love, and trust in God in daily living, and regular worship?”

You will notice the one word change (fear to respect, since you indicated that is what the meaning really is)  and that I left off the commitments after regular worship.  Here’s why.  We are not saying that we will not do Sunday School but I don’t know for sure that we will do a formal Sunday School like the one I am sure you are referring to. Also I am unfamiliar with the meaning behind the Confirmation practices of yours and other churches, and I am also unsure what a generic term like youth ministry would entail, so I feel a little uncomfortable promising those things in God’s house when I do not know if I can fulfill those promises.  I am also not sure whether the Christian denomination we eventually chose will include a Confirmation ceremony or a youth ministry.

Please know that I make these requests completely out of respect for your tradition and beliefs. I don’t want to violate them.

Please let me know if this is ok or not.

Thanks,

Jessica

This is the play by play account.  But I can tell you in my heart I don't have this in me.  It reminds me of a discussion I had with my father, who is an atheist.  He said he would convert to any religion if the person he was in love with asked him to.  I said that I wouldn't.  Just because I don't have a religion of my own doesn't mean I am not passionate about my faith.  A person who loved me would see that and respect that about me and wouldn't ask me to convert.