The High Tech Way

Preschool sucks!

Also, did I mention that my youngest son, the sweetheart of the universe, was more or less thrown out of preschool? If you aren't listening to him ( which isn't always easy because it's not so easy to always understand him when he speaks) he gets pissed off. He hits, he bites, he's generally the nightmare child of preschool. He's been home with me officially since the beginning of June and unoffically for way longer than that because he got sent home every single day for a long long time. 

We are moving to a Montessori daycamp on Monday. I'm hoping this is better for him. Because what he says about his old school is that it is too loud. And I wonder about sensory integration. His dad has issues with sound. He and his brother always hold their hands over their ears in public bathrooms, afraid of the noise of loud public toilets...

Hoping for a better Monday. I've been juggling in an insane way ( I have a regular job and work from home ) for the past month plus. Seriously, need several days of watching the ocean and getting massages. Or just not this. send help...

 

 

 

Palin versus Biden on family values and choice

John McCain's VP choice Sarah Palin's Downs baby is just 4 months old.  Personally, I was bereft to go back to work when my boys were just 3 months onld. I would have stayed home for 6 if I could have, and begged off from travel for longer than that.  I couldn't see myself running for VP if I had a 4-month old infant who was ill on top of it all.  I wonder if she's breastfeeding. I wonder if she's pumping. Still, I think it's a woman's right as well to decide if, when and how she will go back to work.

Yet I hear a disconnect here between Democratic VP candidate Joe Biden saying "Delaware can always get another senator, but my boys only have one father," (after his wife and daughter were killed in an auto accident that left his two sons in the hospital), and Sarah Palin running for VP of the US when her chronically ill baby is only 4 months old.

Her baby's Downs was diagnosed during the pregnancy and she chose to take it to term, which is every woman's right to choose. I'm glad that she made the decision that she felt was right for her family and for her faith. But I wonder what she will say when the pro-choice question comes up during the campaign, as you know it will.  Does she understand other women in her place making a different decision than she made?

Don't wanna go to THAT family reunion

We have been potty training here, in recent months. If you've been down this road before we have, you know that for some reason pee-peeing in the potty is a much easier to learn than pooping in the potty. Indeed, Jack has been pee-peeing in the potty with regularity for a month or more now, with an accident here and there. But for the most part, peeing is a done deal.  Jack wears underwear.

But we recoil in fear when it comes to weekend afternoons when the poop is due. (As he is at daycare during the week, we are off the hook those days.)  He still hasn't gotten the hang of this one, and he has some stinky poo.  However, one day maybe three months ago Jack and I were together and no one else was around. I caught him in the act and swiftly put him on the potty, and he pooped there.  I cheered, he was pleased, and then he said he wanted to flush.

He flushed, and then with his face close to the opening of the potty said, "Bye bye poop," then looked up at me and said "he's going home to his family."

Tips for surviving airport security/TSA with little kids

TSA hates terrorists and families with children. I have been through airport security with one or two little little children several times now, and it has never been a pleasant experience. I always travel with my laptop, too, so I use, like, 47 of those little bins -- shoes in one, laptop in another, purse in another, quart sized back of 3 oz or less liquids in another, etc. etc.

And with the children there is the additional cups or bottles of milk, the Maisy books, the baby doll, the blankie that goes everywhere with us.  Also, you've got to take off the baby and toddler shoes too, and put them in a bin.  And NONE of these objects can be lost or left behind.  Keeping track of the inventory at all times is exhausting. 

Also, TSA generally won't allow you to reassemble your stuff by putting it back into the bags at the end of the conveyor belt.  Instead you are expected to gather it all into your arms, along with your baby and toddler, and go find another place to put it all back together so you can walk again.

The TSA agents are not patient with families. One agent yelled at Jack for touching the conveyor belt.  Another yelled at David to get out of the way because David was trying to put something back in a bag so he could pick up Jack and take him somewhere to put his shoes back on him.

But one thing TSA has done right is this site that offers tips about navigating the TSA security process with children.

This particular tip worked great for us during our last trip: "Tell your children that their bags (backpack, dolls, etc.) will be put in the X-ray machine and will come out at the other end and be returned to them."

Before we got up to security I got down to Jack's level, looked him in the eye and explained the process to him, making sure to tell him that he would GET ALL HIS STUFF BACK AGAIN AT THE END.  This was very effective.

However, I forgot the next tip: "Let your children know that a Security Officer may ask to see their shoes, but that they will get these back as well."

This freaked Jack out.  If you are traveling with a small child, make sure to mention the shoe thing to him or her.  It could save many tears.

Better yet, drive.

Educational television for children

Recently David and I were talking about how much we despise Dora the Explorer.  Everyone on this toddler-favorite show talks at a shout level.  It is really a lot for two full-time working parents to bear at the end of a long long day.

And, we wondered, what is the educational value of such a show?

Then David pointed out that when we were growing up the educational value of what we watched was even more suspect.

We learned that it is OK to drop anvils on the heads of others

We learned that we could order jet packs via mail order from Acme

We learned that if we hit our friend on the head with a frying pan, his head would take on the shape of said pan.  But, not to worry. All he had to do was shake his head really fast and it would go back to the right shape again.

Meanwhile, our 2 1/2 year old son is learning Spanish words.  What is the world coming to?

Asking for what you need

The title sounds like an Oprah episode, and I know how we all feel about Oprah after her treatment of infertility.

However, holy crap, it really does pay to ask sometimes.  When I was looking for a new job a year ago I told people I was looking for one that I could move across the country with me and that I could do mostly as a telecommute (work from home).  And I got it.

That job, however, does involve quite a bit of travel to cover various events. (I am a journalist who covers a specific industry.)  The idea of traveling was completely stressing me out, given the whole problem with James refusing the bottle and me running over to daycare every day at lunch to nurse him.

Day after day emails would come by from my bosses, asking for volunteers to go to one event or another.  And I would sit there and pray for someone else to volunteer.  And they did.

But today I decided to tell them my problem and ask to be exempted from travel for a little while.  They responded very positively, told me that they value my contributions very much, and asked if there was anything else they could do to help.

I'm so grateful for that.  And I'm so glad I swallowed whatever fear I had and asked for what I needed.

Pre-school Jitters

We have tried seven different kinds of bottles.  We have tried the milk warm and the milk room temperature. We have tried freshly pumped milk as well as milk that had been refrigerated and reheated. We have tried formula.  Three other people have tried to get James to take a bottle.  I have tried facing him towards me and facing him away.  I have tried after he's eaten at the breast. I've tried before he's eaten at the breast. I've tried when he is half asleep.  I've tried when he is smiling. I've tried when he is crying. 

I've talked to the lactation consultants at the hospital.  And I've talked to the lactation consultants back in California who helped me with Jack.  And I've tried every single one of their suggestions.

Nothing has worked so far.  So fuck, I am crossing my fingers and hoping the daycare ladies have some super baby mojo and can cast a spell over James to make him fall in love with the bottle.

I told his new person at the center about the problem.  She was not in the utter state of panic that has consumed me recently.  I am glad that the center is close enough so I can go there at lunch and nurse James.  He won't starve if he doesn't take the bottle.  But he won't be full and happy either.

What happened?

I can't believe I forgot to mention one more crucial factor in the daycare dilemma.  Soon after I did that post, we went to pick Jack up at daycare and HE DIDN'T WANT TO LEAVE.  In fact, he pointed to the door and told us to leave and cried when we wouldn't do it.

He was pushing a toy supermarket shopping cart with toy plastic food in it and his baby doll in the front part of the cart where babies go.  One of the food toys was a cheeseburger that comes apart.  Burger, bun halves, cheese, tomato were all separate plastic pieces.  Miss Nannette, who is the afternoon teacher, said Jack would put the burger together and then put it in the cart, at which time the burger would fall apart.  Jack would ask Nannette "What happened?" with his palms turned up and held around his armpits.  Then he would take the burger out of the cart and put it back together again.  Apparently this was more fun than the idea of coming home with us.

In the car on the way home he said, "Wanna sleep at Starfish! Wanna wake up at Starfish!" (Starfish is the name of his new classroom.)

And although some may take this personally, we were overjoyed that he was having so much fun there.  When he was at his old Montessori daycare in California he never wanted to come home either. 

Now, the morning teacher in his classroom is not as loved by the children as Miss Nannette is.  The morning teacher sometimes seems overwhelmed by the onslaught of two-year-olds in her charge.  They will be screaming when we get there in the morning and this teacher will put her hands to either side of her face and look up to the sky as if asking for help. I more often hear her saying a stern "No!" to a child than showing him something cool. 

However, the past few mornings upon waking Jack has said to me, "Go a Starfish?"  Today he even opened the door and walked out to my car, anxious to get on the road.  I think he's enjoying playing with the other kids there.  And he does love Miss Nannette.

So I am hesitant to take him away from something he seems to have warmed up to. 

Trophy wife

This is about the time -- two weeks left to my maternity leave -- that I start to set new and realistic goals for how I want things to go.  For example, I've decided to be a trophy wife.  (My parents always told me I could be anything I wanted to be if I worked hard enough at it.)  I haven't told David yet.

Now, some may ask, "Why not just shoot for being a SAHM (stay at home mom)?"  And I've considered that too.  If I wore a hat, it would be off to those ladies because they work so incredibly hard, and such long relentless hours.  Have you seen the estimates? They work an average of 91.8 hours a week and if paid in real dollars would make $138K per year.  If anyone actually paid them that money, I might consider that career change. That would buy a lot of massages, pedicures and babysitters. You know, to make up for the 91.8 hours.

But no, they don't get paid at all and they are not appreciated nearly enough -- not even close to how much they should be appreciated.  (Reward for cleaning up the poop of every member of the family?  Hint: not a gift certificate for a manicure and an offer of babysitting to make the manicure a real possibility.)

So I've been thinking that really what I want is to be a trophy wife.   You know, stay at home sometimes and sometimes go to resorts.  Spend some time at day spas while the babysitter stays at home with the kiddos for a few hours.  Maybe have a personal chef like Oprah does.  And a personal trainer to get the bod back in shape again. (the bod is a requirement for trophy wives I think.  Must check the handbook.) And time for all my hobbies.  Such as sleeping.  And if I run out of time to pursue a hobby (gardening, for example, which I know next to nothing about), I could hire the hot contractor to go ahead and get all the weeding caught up for me. Then I could plant a few colorful annuals and call it a day.

But mostly I could be with my kiddos however much I wanted to, and when my head is going to explode from the crying and lack of sleep, the babysitter can come over and give me a break so that I can run out to the mall for an expensive cup of gourmet coffee and a tiny square of Godiva dark chocolate (portion size is key when you are trophy wife like me.)

Of course, David will have to make some changes.  For example, he will have to at least triple his salary.  But that's not my problem.  I don't trouble myself with such things.

The daycare dilemma

On Jack's first day of daycare I sat on the little bench of the infant's classroom and cried for a half hour before I could leave him there.  I was about to leave my long-awaited IVF/FET baby with a bunch of strangers so I could go back to work.  I had no idea how it would turn out.

Many months later it was obvious to me that it was a good thing that he was in such a very good place.  The daycare Jack went to in Silicon Valley was a family-run Montessori.  I did not know what that was on that first day I left Jack there.  But it turned out to be very good for Jack. Montessori is "A method of educating young children that stresses development of a child's own initiative and natural abilities, especially through practical play."

One of the hardest things about moving to the Philly area has been the fact that we had to leave his old daycare behind.  He loved it there and he even had a best friend there.  Education is important to us, and is actually one of the primary drivers behind our move.  At GreatSchools.org the elementary school in our old neighborhood was rated 3 out of 10.  In our new neighborhood the elementary school wins a 10 out of 10 rating. 

So it was very hard to go from the good Montessori preschool to first a crappy family run daycare center and then to a much better (but still nowhere near as good as what we left) corporate-run daycare.

When the current daycare was acquired this summer, we knew that higher rates were around the corner.  They were announced in August.  And with another little boy headed to daycare soon, the raise in rates was really going to hurt.  So I took advantage of the opportunity of having my days "free" (being on maternity leave and not chained to my desk) to look into some other daycare programs.

Now, while there is another Montessori school in our neighborhood, it does not take infants and the tuition for a standard school day of 9 to 3 is more than what we were paying for the extended day daycare in California. 

But, I found another Montessori school closer to the city and about mid-way between where we live and where my mother lives in Philadelphia. This school takes infants.  It is very racially mixed, which is a huge plus.  The director is an energetic, enthusiastic businesswoman who took over running the place five years ago after spending a career (until she turned 40) in management and process re-engineering in corporate and municipal environments.  But she sent her two boys through  a Montessori school.  Over the last five years she's turned this Montessori school around after it had declined due to the founder's ill health. 

The short version is: I was very impressed with this place.  And now I have a decision to make.

Benefits of corporate childcare center:
Closer to where we live
Open nearly every day of the year (not closed for snow, spring break, etc.)
Provides diapers
Provides two snacks a day PLUS lunch
Welcomes breastfeeding moms to come at lunch to nurse
Jack is already acclimated to it

Downsides to the corporate childcare center:
Not as educationally focused
Teachers not required to have any kind of degree
infant to teacher ratios are higher
Jack's new teacher seems cranky to me
Costs about $120 more a month for tuition for both Jack and James than the Montessori would

Benefits of the Montessori:
Follows the Montessori educational philosophy which was great for Jack before
Offers enrichment programs such as Music and Spanish language
Is a non-profit organization
Has a very active parent organization
Closer to Nana's house
Has a summer program that includes swimming lessons, bringing petting zoos to the school, bringing pony rides to the school -basically lots of fun fun stuff.

Downsides of the Montessori:
Farther way (takes about 11 minutes without traffic)
We must provide our own diaper$
Must pack and bring our own lunches everyday$
These things take up time, and I'm exhausted  NOW.  How will it be with all these extra things?

I asked the director how they acclimate new kids to the classroom. She said they sit with them throughout the day to make sure they feel nurtured.  She used the word nurtured a lot, and that made me feel good.  I felt like Jack would not slip through the cracks there.  At the corporate center I have sometimes felt like he was one of a crowd.

At the corporate center Jack's new teacher seems primarily focused on behavior.  She reports every day to me on how he was well behaved. But she doesn't tell me what he does or whether he's had fun.  These things are very important to me.

Also at the new place, potty training happens at the child's own pace and no one is forced to commence training  immediately after extinguishing the candles from his birthday cake when he turns two.

Basically the corporate place offers convenience and is adequate.  The Montessori is going to be more of a pain to get to and require me to do more work (making lunches, making sure diapers are stocked), but it has better programs.

Factoring the cost of diapers, etc., the two programs probably cost about the same.

But on the Montessori I am just the tiniest bit nervous about it's future because the founder died a year ago.  Her family has kept it going, and they are absentee owners, relying completely on the current director to run the show.  But what if they want to cash out at some point?

(I think that's what happened to the evil daycare.  The owner retired and sold it to her daughter-in-law who was not well-suited to run it.)

What should I do?