The High Tech Way

Input/output

Perhaps it is the current phase of the moon or the level of humidity recently but this seems to be going around lately. Yes indeed Jack on Wednesday morning actually pee peed in his potty.

It was before we headed to "school."  His little potty becomes a step stool when you put the top down. He was in the bathroom "brushing" his teeth (trying to persuade me to give him more toddler tooth gel on his brush so he could eat it...). He was performing this act without any pants on. Then he declared he was done and said "pee pee."  He got down from the stool and we opened the potty.  He sat down on it and the pee came!  I made a big deal out of it, because really it is a big deal.  He was so pleased with himself.  And when we went to school I told his teacher about his big accomplishment.  Jack was all smiles whenever we talked about it.

At his school the teachers ask the kids individually if they need to sit on the potty.  Those who sit on the potty get a star drawn on their hands and those who actually GO get a smiley face drawn on their hands.  Jack usually gets a star but still has not gotten a smiley face.

(also, he is still not napping. He is the only one in his group who is not napping.)

On Thursday before school Jack offered an encore performance in the morning.  In the evening before his bath he sat down on the potty and tried but there was nothing there.  This morning he sat down and tried again but there was nothing there.

Nonetheless, this is real progress.  Yesterday when I tried to put his pullup on him he said he didn't want a diaper.  I asked him if he wanted underpants.  I don't know if he'd heard that word before, but he said "yes, underpants."  So now I must go get some underpants.  Probably 100 or 200 pairs I think.  Plus many extra pairs of pants and socks.

Separately, I was pleased this week at Weight Watchers to be down 1.6 lbs from the previous week and 0.2 lbs from where I was when I joined.  This is the first time I've gone in the right direction and this week I've continued the behavior that delivered the good result, so fingers crossed for Monday's meeting.

The amusing part for me was that while at the meeting, James started fussing and clearly was hungry.  I moved to the back row and started feeding him discreetly under a receiving blanket.  And of course while I was feeding him the meeting leader called on me to ask me how my week went.  I could tell that she noticed earlier that I was breastfeeding James.  And I was proud of myself that I fed him during the meeting and did not get nervous at all when I became the center of attention.

So far I have breastfed him at family parties, the mothers' room at the big baby superstore, the mothers' room at the local maternity chain store, and at Friendy's restaurant.  Oh, and also at Wegmans in the public seating area. And I've also fed him in the car at a weekend picnic and at a car dealership.

When I was exclusively pumping for Jack, I never had outings like these because I had to lug the baby, the baby's bottles and ice packs, the baby's other gear and the pump and related stuff everywhere I went.  Every feed involved a bottle and then setting up the pump somewhere clean, pumping, and then breaking it all down and cleaning it up as best i could.  It was easier just to stay at home much of the time.

And often Jack would be crying while I was pumping, and he was too wiggly to pick up while I had the milking machine attached to my chest.  It was agonizing.  I remember I had a little song I used to sing to him. It went like this: "No crying when mommy is pumping. No crying when mommy is pumping. No crying when mommy is pumping. Or there'll be no dinner tonight."

Part of me looked forward to going back to work just so that I could have someone else take care of him while I was expressing his food.

And once relieved of baby care I was able to pump in lots of different places including in my car while commuting, in a bathroom stall at the San Jose Fairmont Hotel (during a seminar), in airport lounges, and in my seat in airplanes.   Now that those crazy liquid rules are in place by TSA I wonder if I would have to wait until getting past security before I pumped.

I also pumped at my desk at the office I sometimes went to, but I had them install a lock on my door and some blinds on the window.

But nursing is so much more portable.  I'm a little worried about what it will be like when I have to go back to work.  What a difference from last time when I welcomed the chance to do more pumping.

Breastfeeding update

James is six weeks old now and in spite of a lot of conflicting advice given and emotional torture inflicted by assorted nurses and lactation consultants, we have established nursing.  It is actually amazing how different this nursing effort has been when compared to the effort with Jack.

One thing that was different this time: I got David on board ahead of time to agree that if we were required to supplement in those early days, we would use anything but a bottle to do it.   We used a syringe in those early days.

Another thing that was different: This time I was not sent home with instructions from the lactation consultant to SUPPLEMENT WITH FORMULA FROM A BOTTLE after nursing.  She did tell me to pump at the same time too, but WTF?  Everything written about breastfeeding's law of supply and demand warns that this is dangerous to do as a habit because it does not do an effective job of telling your body to make more.

Now, in a big joke by the Universe on me, James is refusing the bottle altogether.  His nipple preference goes the opposite way.  I should be worrying about what that will mean when I have to go back to work.  But for now I'm enjoying the nursing that I felt cheated out of last time around.  Treasuring it really.

The whole early breastfeeding experience has made me revisit the days of exclusive pumping and how hard it was. I was not blogging back then so I don't have the grueling day to day of it written down anywhere.  But Antropologia documented her struggles last year (starting from here) and her posts give a painfully accurate picture of what it is like to have to exclusively pump. (One of them mentions the fact that you have moments of resenting your baby because he/she takes you away from the pump.  I remember that too. )

I don't think I was as tired then, even though I was getting less sleep. (exclusive pumping takes so much more time).  It's ironic that when you are getting more sleep and are more relaxed, the adrenaline that had been keeping you going begins to fall and you get sleepier and stupider.  At least I do.

These days I can totally relate to what BrooklynGirl is going through -- the hopelessness of thinking that one may never get more than two hours of sleep in a row ever again. 

Small but sweet victories

1. At James's extra doctor appointment (scheduled as a weight check because we'd had such problems with gaining weight in the beginning), it was revealed that he is gaining weight at a slightly faster rate than what they want to see.  This is good news for our nursing progress.  And since Jack and I were ultimately unsuccessful at establishing nursing, this victory today was extra sweet.

2. The nurse practitioner who did the exam took her time with us and answered all my questions.  We just chatted away and it was lovely.

3. One of the questions I asked that same nurse practitioner was: "Is there a drive thru starbucks or dunkin donuts around here?" (The pedi's office is close to our house.)  I asked this because although there is a starbucks very very close by, I have been too lazy for a coffee drink outing that involves loading up the kids, unloading them at the starbucks, buying a drink, loading up the kids again and then unloading them when we get home.  Seems like a lot of trouble for a coffee drink.  But I have so wanted a coffee drink.  The nurse practitioner told me of a nearby place where there was a drive thru starbucks across the street from a drive thru dunkin donuts. I nearly cut the appointment short in my rush to get to that location.

4. Jack took a nap today, ending a lengthy nap strike (oh my god we are all so tired!)  I don't know if this is the beginning of a trend or just a single stroke of happy luck, but I was most grateful.

5. A colleague called me today and we chatted for 20 minutes or so. It made me feel reconnected with the world at a time when my isolation was causing me to question my sanity.

6. I found the inexpensive white noise machine that I'd bought at Target during the summer of 2005.  It helped Jack to sleep back then. And when I turned it on tonight, James slipped into a deep deep sleep that made me wonder if he was the same boy who wakes up every time I try to put him down in his crib. Or anywhere for that matter.  (There are many useful objects and books that I got when Jack was an infant.  Where are they now? Packed up in boxes awaiting the completion of our home offices.  I have not been able to look up anything about developmental stages, nursing (in the Jack Newman book), colic, calming techniques (in the Happiest Baby on the Block book), etc.  At times I have been tempted to buy new copies of each of these very helpful books, but that seems sort of ridiculous...)

7. Because of number 6, I was able to take a shower today before 9:30 pm.  Hallelujah! Dance of Joy!  I am clean!

Myths about breastfeeding

My mother-in-law tells the story of how neither she nor her mother were able to breastfeed their children.

Her mother was told by the doctor that her milk was not rich enough, so the children were put on formula.

And my mother-in-law herself suffered from a damaged nipple when she tried to breastfeed her first babe.  She thought her nipples just weren't tough enough and went to formula.  She also tells about how hard it was with each new baby (there were four) finding the right formula that the baby was not allergic to.  You can tell it is a topic that upsets her.

Breastfeeding today and in recent history has been in the uncomfortable position of being usurped by current medical wisdom.  These kinds of myths are why older women don't know how to breastfeed and cannot show younger women how it is done. Instead we rely on lactation consultants in hospitals who talk to us for 15 minutes, determine our problems, offer a potential solution and send us on our way.  They are not in a position to know who we are, what our ongoing issues might be, or to perhaps remember our names or circumstances when we phone for follow-up help. 

Rather, we are left in a position of being our own advocate but not being an expert.  We are presented with limited information and left to make a decision which may be overruled by the medical establishment anyway.   And all this while we are mentally altered by hormones and sleep deprivation at least and hormones, sleep deprivation, narcotics, and post-partum depression at most.

Really, I wonder if the hospital system of encouraging women to breastfeed, while well-meaning, is actually sometimes undermining the attempts of women to get on the right track with breastfeeding. So many different messages are delivered by so many different individuals.  A new mom is looking for a mentor, but she gets a series of sound-bites instead.

And there is an undercurrent of unexpressed disagreement between doctors and lactation consultants over many issues  -- how much should be fed, how certain problems should be treated, etc.  But no one will say that there is any disagreement at all.  Everyone walks a careful diplomatic line. Maybe the LCs are afraid of being ousted from the hospital if they publicly disagree with what the doctors say. Maybe the doctors are afraid of seeming not supportive of breastfeeding. 

Whatever it is, it is not helping the new moms.  And really, in a system where people are pushed through like widgets in a factory, with each worker so focused on his or her own task, I'm not sure that any of these folks recognize there is a problem with the big picture.

Breast milk jaundice? Wha?

So when we went in to see the pedi again on Friday, James's weight was up to a strapping 8 lbs. ll.5 oz. , back up to his birth weight.  The pedi was very happy with this.  But the boy was still the shade of Mountain Dew -- an unnatural looking yellow.

The pedi said this was likely due to something called breast milk jaundice.  She did not explain what that was, and uncharacteristically, I did not interrogate her at all.  I don't know why. Maybe the lack of sleep.

She checked all James's reflexes, palpated his liver, etc., to make sure he was not suffering any ill-effects from his prolonged state of yellowness.  He was fine, but the concern over that made me worry, and perhaps that is a reason why I didn't ask questions.

She said the breast milk jaundice would typically go away on its own in a number of weeks or months, but to knock it out in a few days she recommended giving the boy a formula-only diet for 48 hours.  She said I should pump during this time so I would not dry up.  And she scrounged up a weekend's worth of formula from around the office to send home with us so we didn't have to buy any.

A Google search seemed to reveal that breast milk jaundice happens when the baby's system processes a fatty acid in the mother's milk as first priority and the bilirubin as second priority.  So the jaundice takes much longer to clear.  But the condition was not considered as serious as other types of jaundice in the newborn.  Dr. Jack Newman indicates in this article that there really is no need to do the formula thing.  The condition will resolve itself in time.  Of course I didn't read this until after the first formula feeding and after I agreed to the treatment with the pedi.  And I must admit that the yellow hue of our newest family member has been a bit disconcerting, leading to a more urgent sense for David and me to see it resolved sooner rather than later.

Two years ago and change, Jack was a little jaundiced after he was born. I wonder if he had the same thing.  That is what got him started on the path to a bottle preference and me on a path to exclusive pumping, I am convinced.

I was a little worried about that when introducing the formula to James on Friday afternoon.  And it seemed to me that he was eating more than I was pumping, so he would be hungry and frustrated with the breast when the 48 hours was over.  And he is a little annoyed having to work for his meals again and having them delivered more slowly, since we returned to the breast yesterday afternoon.  But he is passionate about eating, wherever it comes from (very unlike his big brother).  And so he has come back to the breast -- sans nipple shield -- seemingly without a problem.  The only issue is the supply issue. Over 48 hours he got used to getting a little more than he'd been getting on the breast, and so we are doing lots of cluster feeding.  And, also I have cheated a little and given him some of what I pumped over the weekend instead of forcing the supply and demand thing all at once.
I must remember to be very careful with this.

And, the formula treatment seems to have worked.  James is now a healthy color.  We are headed to the doc's in a little while for their final stamp of approval.  And I hope we are finished for a little while with them.

*********

On an entirely unrelated issue, have you seen the letter posted by Overstock.com's CEO?  (He'll give you a free coupon if you read it.)  He is alleging wide corruption at high levels of Wall Street and the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC) that has the potential to destroy the U.S. financial systems in much the same way that happened in 1929 when the stock market crashed triggering the Great Depression.  I haven't looked at any of his supporting info yet, but just find it so interesting that he is using his commercial web site to promote what looks like a non-partisan issue, and that he is accusing many members of the mainstream press of ignoring his pleas to look into the issue, until recently.  If he is right it is maybe an indication of how big corporations have emasculated the press to the point where it can no longer be relied upon as an independent voice.  This is certainly where independent bloggers can have an advantage over today's mainstream press.

Baby slings, nipple shields and a new LC system

"Now you have nothing but time to shop," my husband said to me as he dumped another UPS package in front of me yesterday.  I paused briefly, thinking about smacking him and his damn 8 hours of sleep. But instead I opened the package. It was the new Maya Wrap I ordered.  I had one with Jack, and I still have it. Somewhere. In all these remaining boxes that have not been unpacked as we awaited the completion of the kitchen and home offices.

My thought was that if I had another Maya Wrap, I may be more likely to be able to unpack some of those boxes while on maternity leave. Because James likes to be held all the time, and who am I to deny the boy what he wants when he is two weeks old.  And at the same time, must counter the impression I am leaving that I have nothing but time to shop...

So I slipped on the wrap at 5 yesterday, awkwardly put the youngest boy in it, and began to make dinner for the rest of us.  James was loudly complaining that he was hungry too.  But if I stopped to feed him then Jack wouldn't be eating until 8 pm (recipe required an hour in the oven), which is way too late for my favorite toddler. 

So I awkwardly shoved the nipple shield into the wrap and got James latched to it.  After a while he took a break.  The shield fell off.  When he was ready to go back to eating, he did not whine about the shield being gone. Rather, he went right back on the nipple directly, much to my surprise.  And this was the problem nipple -- the formerly inverted one.  Later, while Daddy and Jack ate dinner, I sat with dinner in front of me, unable to eat because our newfound shield-less nursing seemed to require me to use both hands to get everything positioned just right while leaving an air passage for the boy to still breathe in there.

I was reluctant to let the boy try to nurse sans shield on the other nipple -- the one he turned into something that looked like ground beef back when we were both still in the hospital.  I've felt sort of protective of that nipple since I saw pieces of it hanging off.  Not to mention the pain. I called it "the swearing nipple "back then because even with the shield it would cause tremendous pain when I put James on it after it had been damaged.  But slowly it has healed, although it is still much more sensitive than the other.

But I got him on that nipple too, without much pain at all.

And, not surprisingly, after he nursed on both nipples, skin to skin, the subsequent pump session (as prescribed by the pediatrician) yielded a scant quarter oz of milk.  Still, although this wasn't surprising, I was surprised.  Even more interesting, after the direct nursing the next morning (today) the subsequent pump session yielded a scant quarter oz of milk.  (While yesterday's morning session post-nursing yielded I think 2.5 oz.) 

Probably this is not so interesting to most people.  But how revealing it is about the effects of using a nipple shield.  Baby does not get as much as he should and supply is (most likely) affected.  This is one of the things that happened to us with Jack.  As it gets harder for baby to get enough milk, he/she is less motivated to try, especially if there is a bottle supplement available after he gives the nursing the old college try, or just screams that he is hungry in a way that breaks momma's heart so that she breaks into the stash of formula the hospital gave her. (not exactly what happened to us with Jack, but I can see that happening in so many cases)

I think the whole lactation consultant system would work better if women got one GOOD person to work with them for several weeks.  A crack in the current system offered by hospitals seems to be that a new mother, who is hormonal as hell and who only has book knowledge about breastfeeding, not practical experience, is presented with a parade of nurses and lactation consultants, each with her own unique recommendations about how to solve breastfeeding problems.  Does the sleep-deprived mother follow the advice of Nurse A, Nurse B or Nurse C?  Or does she end up following the advice of Lactation Consultant number 1 or Lactation Consultant number 2?  Does it depend on how knowledgeable her husband is? Does it matter whether he is in the room to hear one expert's advice but not the advice from the others?  And, you know, it's his baby too, and his wife/partner is currently impaired by sleep-deprivation and a giant hormone crash.  Is she in the best position to make decisions?

So maybe the best approach would be -- if you were having a baby and concerned about breastfeeding -- to hire an awesome lactation consultant to be your guide and advocate as you and baby find your way. Someone who your husband trusted too.  Someone whose only goal wasn't to get the baby latched, but who also cared about good latches, building and maintaining supply, ensuring proper baby weight gain, etc.  While I met many committed individuals who really wanted to help me succeed, I don't feel like there was a unified strategy for that success.  One didn't want to give me a breast pump to use. Another brought a pump in right after I requested it.  One pushed the nipple shield.  The next day the head of the program asked "Why are you using a nipple shield?"  No matter what you did you felt like you were fucking it up.  Well, I felt that way last time. This time I was more emotionally ready for the chaotic approach of hospitals towards helping new moms learn to breastfeed their babies.

James has another weight check early this afternoon.  I didn't talk to the pediatrician so I don't know what they will do if they don't like the number, or if they think he is still too yellow.  But, on the positive side, James seems happy to switch from nipple to bottle to nipple again.  And less than 24 hours after ditching the nipple shield he has expressed an intense dislike for using the shield ever again.   So even if the pedi pushes formula, I'm pretty sure James will go back to the breast too. 

James the Jaundiced

The tremendously good news is that James is here and is now two weeks old plus one day and is actually breastfeeding. He has had no formula, and until yesterday had not had any bottles.

The distressing news for the parent of a newborn is that he is still jaundiced (although not getting worse) and as of yesterday, his two-week birthday, had not regained enough weight to reach his birth weight. Yesterday he weighed in at 8 lb 5 oz.  At birth he was 8 lb 11 oz.  When released from the hospital on July 29 he weighed in at 7 lb. 13 oz., his low number.

So yesterday afternoon he got his heel poked again and milked for a tiny blood sample which revealed the continuing jaundice number (although he still looks fake tan to me).  His poor little heel was just finally healing from the thousands of pokes he got in the hospital.  He wailed during the test, peed on the exam table and leaked through his onesie.  And crappy mom that I am I did not have a change of clothes in the diaper bag for him. (duh).  So I stuffed an extra diaper into his wet outfit so to protect his skin from the wet area, and we went on our way.

My instructions are to pump after he feeds at the breast, and then feed him whatever I get.  Now, I am such a newbie at breastfeeding, but I am a queen of pumping.  Here is something I know how to do!  So I've been pumping and am somewhat reassured that my supply looks adequate so far, in spite of the fact that I am still using a nipple shield.

First time I pumped after feeding I got a total of 1.5 oz.   The next few pumpings I got barely a quarter oz.  total.  But the overnight pump got quite a bit more (too sleep deprived over here to remember how much) and the morning pumping yielded 2. 5 oz -- after the boy fed!  One pump session since then yielded about 1.5 oz.  These are pretty good yields for a post-feed pump session.  And I believe infants this age drink only a few oz per feed.

Meanwhile I've decided to make an effort to include (I forget the word for foods that help increase milk supply, and too tired to look it up) in my diet. So far non-alcoholic beer and oatmeal.  Funny how now I am craving produce and oats whereas while pregnant I craved protein.

Friday we are headed back to the pedi for a weight check. 

Breastfeeding, jaundice, and the LC du jour

Birth story still to come, but wanted to update to today.

We finally busted out of the hospital on Sunday.  We were delayed by a day due to jaundiced James who looked like he'd gotten a hold of some of that fake tan spray and used it liberally while I was passed out on percocet in the bed next to his bassinet.

I got the OK to go home on Saturday (if I promised to go to the office to get my staples removed this week) but James held us up.  He was still having the meconium poo.  And his numbers were up for jaundice to 15.7.  They put him under double lights far away from me in the nursery.

Now by Saturday I was losing my mind being confined to that hospital room. I. WAS. SO. BORED. No Internet, except on my web phone with its tiny screen.  No books (cause I brought them last time and didn't read a thing). Crappy summer TV.  Not so many visitors because everyone was sort of visiting each other instead.  And when they took James out to get his ultraviolet suntan, it got even more boring.

Meanwhile, each new nurse and lactation consultant was giving me different and conflicting advice about how to establish nursing, how to get the new guy to latch, etc.  Reminded me of the nurses and lactation consultants in California.  By Friday night I was engorged and not much was flowing.  I fed the kiddo and pumped and pumped.  James got circumcised during a thunderstorm.  I prayed that the doc would not be cutting when the big clap of thunder came. (all went well.)

I alternated ice packs and warm towels on the boobs after doing a Google search Saturday night on my tiny screened web phone.  And I pumped some more on Saturday, in between when they brought James in for feedings.  I supplemented what he pulled out with what I'd pumped, fed to him through a syringe.

They said they would send us home on Sunday with a Wallaby, which is like an ultraviolet light blanket.  They said visiting nurses would come and check on him twice a day.  But by the time he took his final blood test (he has many many many pokes in the heels of his feet), his numbers had dropped enough that they sent him home without all that equipment -- satisfied with just my promise to bring him in for more blood work at 7:30 on Monday morning.

He continues to improve. His weight is starting to go up instead of down.  His blood test numbers are not getting any worse.  And his poop is finally a color that reassures pediatricians.

I am healing very well too. Staples came out Sunday, since I was still at the hospital.  A med student took them out.  The same med student who a day early had mistaken the tape mark from my incision dressing for a previous c-section scar.  But he was a good staple remover.

Overall my hospital experience was very positive. I actually liked this place better than the one in California, and I have more respect for my doctors now that I have spent so much more time with them.

Still, after spending what seemed like 47 days in a sensory deprivation cell, it is not an understatement to say I was elated to feel the oppressive humidity and heat of the outside air again.  And listen to the bickering of my husband and mother-in-law who may have spent a little too much time together during this last week. 

It is good to be home.

37 weeks

Hard to believe that I am here already, to the place where they don't stop labor and consider you full term if you have the kiddo now.

When I was pregnant with Jack at this point in time my ankles and feet had already been so swollen for months that I couldn't wear any shoes but flip flops. My hands were numb constantly from the swelling and my occupational carpal tunnel syndrome. 

And I was afraid all the time that something would go wrong. And I was afraid of labor. I think I'd spent so long being disappointed in our fertility journey and heard so many horrible stories that I didn't think anything could go right.

A few months after we lost our Will (our trisomy 18 baby conceived by IVF), an online acquaintance who had conceived with her lone embryo during her second IVF went post due. I thought at that point she was home free.  But one morning she didn't feel her baby move anymore and when she went into the doctor's she learned the baby had died.  Horrible horrible horrible.  And the thought of that just stuck with me through my pregnancy with Jack.

Because when we started trying to conceive we learned that just getting that double pink line wasn't enough. We had the miscarriage.  Then we learned that getting past that critical first trimester wasn't enough.  That you CAN get a bad amnio diagnosis, even though the odds are tremendously against it.  And then, through this poor woman's experience I learned that even when you are beyond that point, even when you are days away from delivering, it's still not too late for everything to go to hell.

So I was in a bad mental place when I was pregnant with Jack. A place of anxiety and nightmares. Seems like I kept hearing more stories of late term losses that just fed it further.

Once Jack got here the world changed because I was finally a mom to a living child. Jack made that happen. He made that true.

This pregnancy I am healthier because of him. I carry him around all the time. (although these days carrying him up the steps is enough to make me groan).  My arms are skinnier. I have more of a basketball look than the overall fat look. I feel healthier.  Some woman at the pizza restaurant told me "you look great."

Now, my ankles are a little swollen and my hands occasionally get a little numb, but it is so much less than last time.

While all the bad things that have happened have not gone away, some good things have happened in the meantime.

And mentally this time I feel like I am not afraid of labor. I am not afraid of a c-section. I am not nervous about my ability or lack there of, of taking care of my newborn. I feel more confident about myself and ability to handle all these things.  And as for the breastfeeding, I feel like I have a better idea of what to do if things don't go well at first and where to go for help.

C-section vs. VBAC -- it's all about the nursing

On Friday I returned to my OB for the first time since my post-partum Jack-pot appointments.  I am beginning to remember now that I got a lot of magazine reading done while pregnant the last time, due to waiting times in both the waiting room and then in the exam room.  There is no BusinessWeek or Time in the waiting room there, so I don't have to worry about doing serious reading.  I can read House Beautiful or Coastal Living with no guilt about how I should be working instead.

When my OB asked me whether I wanted to schedule a C-Section or try for a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean), I realized that all my thinking around this mostly has to do with breastfeeding and wanting it to be successful the next time around.  Exclusively Pumping was HARD. [Please check out this blog from an exclusive pumper who is doing it now with grace and little complaining. And she has a very cute baby too.]

It's not hard to do a pump session.  But when you are doing eight lengthy pump sessions every day, it becomes absolutely grueling!  Every time I gave up a pump session I was sad for about 10 minutes.  Then I would realize, OMG, I have more TIME!  I can sit down and rest for a few minutes!  I can do... whatever I want!

So there are some things that I want to change this time around about my hospital experience.  These things may or may not have contributed to our bad nursing experience.  But I need to give myself the best chance of success in terms of nursing the new baby.  I will Exclusively Pump again if I have to. But I DON'T WANT TO I DON'T WANT TO!  I want to have the baby fall asleep at the breast and be able to doze off myself and not have to put the baby down, grab the pump equipment and spend a half hour being milked when I could be cuddling my little boy.

Some things I think may have contributed to our problems:
1. I asked the nurse before my c-section: will you give me my baby to nurse after the procedure is over?  She said no.  And indeed, with the extra fluid that had not been squeezed out of Jack because he didn't travel down the birth canal, he spent a small amount of time in NICU having fluid sucked out of his respiratory system.  This delayed me getting him.

2. I asked the nurse to give him to me after we were in the hospital room.  They said no, his body temperature was too low. AND THEN THEY GAVE HIM A BATH INSTEAD!  This delayed me getting him again.

3. He was a sleepy baby -- always falling asleep before getting a full feeding -- and I am wondering if this is because of the drugs for the c-section and the narcotics for recovery that mom used.

4. Immediately after the c-section I wasn't able to get up to get him to nurse, so I was at the mercy of the nurses. Some of them were great and some of them were not.  I want more control next time.

 

And these things make me wonder if I should try for a VBAC.  I don't really want to personally. My c-section last time was easy, without complications, and healed very quickly. But if it would mean the difference in terms of successful nursing, a VBAC would be totally worth it.