Milk no more

James stopped nursing on June 1 this year, when he was 22 months old and I'd needed to start taking a new medication that the doctor said was probably ok for breastfeeding, but she couldn't guarantee it (I could hear the practice's seminar on legal issues echoing in her head).

I nursed James that morning, and I didn't know it would be the last one, because I saw the doc and started taking the medication that afternoon.

That evening when he was ready to nurse, I told James it was all gone. I told him we could still snuggle and cuddle and be close, but that the milk was all gone.

And he wanted to see "dat." So I gave him a look at his old friends :)  And he was cool with it. He looked for a few seconds and was done.  He asked for a look every day for the week after that, but didn't ask to nurse. And that was the end of that.

I was a little sad that it was over. Writing about it now, I'm a little sad again. But really the sadness only lasted a week or so. It was time for the change and we were obviously both ready for it. A few weeks later I was happier than I'd been in a long time. And without the ever present oxytocin in my system to inhibit my estrogen production and sex drive, I felt like a new woman.

I admit that I was in no great rush to wean James. I'd felt cheated after Jack wouldn't nurse. And I knew James would be my last baby. So I just wanted to embrace very second of it and not rush anything through.

Five months later, as long-sleeve weather has returned, I realize the boy is obsessed with my naked skin. He makes me pull up my long sleeves so he can nuzzle my arms.

He says: "I want your arm." And then I give it to him and he rubs his face all over it and rests his face there for a while. 

He does the same thing with my belly. He says: "I love your belly." And I tell him: "You are the only one who does." He nuzzles my naked belly, then rests the side of his head against it, and wraps his short arms around me and just stays there for a while. It makes me want to cry. I sometimes think this child loves me more than anyone ever has.

Comments

[Antropologa]

Weaning seems to be hard, no matter the circumstances. You can still be close regardless. :) Congrats on making it work!

[Helen]

just found your post randomly...this one made me tear up. thanks for such great writing...will be following along.