Identity

What's in a name? A rose by any other name would smell as sweet, according to Shakespeare.  But if you are looking for a rose and plug the word "skeleton"  or "piano" into Google, you'll never find the rose, so you won't get to smell it at all.

In college my friends and I talked about whether we would take our husbands' names if we ever got married. I said that I would take my husband's name if I liked it better than my own.  And that wasn't hard to do. I didn't hate my last name, but it was very common.

However, when I got married the first time I was torn. I'd started building a name for myself with my existing name. But his name was much better. So I considered hyphenating the name.  He said he liked this, and he said it in a sweet romantic voice, so that is what I did.  But when things didn't work out, changing the name back was just one more unpleasant task on my long list of them to do during a difficult time.

When I remarried 11.5 years ago I kept my own name.  Part of it was that I didn't want to go through this changing names back and forth and back and forth.  Part of it was that I had an even more established career under my own name.  But now, nearly a dozen years later, I am considering changing my name to my husband's name, even though all my work over 20-some years of my career is under my birth name.

Why?

• After this many years, maybe the marriage will work out.
• It would be nice to have the same last name as my sons.
• The name sounds really good with my first name. Better than my current one does.
• And then there's the totally mercenary reason. My own first name, chosen by my mother 43 years ago because it was unusual, is now very common.  Together with my current last name I have a very common name.  Google it and you will find a Harvard professor (who happens to be my aunt), a gymnast, and dozens and dozens of other people notable for some reason or another.  Back when Google started in the 1990s if you Googled my name, I was the only person who came up.  But now everyone else is there too.

When I Google my first name and my husband's last name together, no one has that name.  So taking my husband's name for my career would be better for my search engine optimization...

On one hand there is a part of me that is afraid that it would be jinxing my marriage to take my husband's name because of what happened before. So often we waste time preparing for yesterday's tragedy after it is long gone.  Maybe it is time to stop doing that and start getting ready to take advantage of tomorrow's opportunities instead.

Comments

[Eva]

That's very interesting. I love the Google rationale. :) When you Google me you mostly get me, and then a bunch of Swedish and Spanish people. I took my husband's name because it was prettier, easier to pronounce and spell, expected, easier for when there are children, easier for when we live in Sweden, and because I am not that into my Dad's side of the family.

[Aurelia]

Hmmm, well I took my husband's name because I didn't like my adoptive name and this was the most logiacl alternative.

You could keep your current name as a pen name for professional purposes and change it legally for the kids and etc..

Or you could hyphenate it for professional reasons, and change it fully for personal stuff. (This helps up your Googles.)

But after twenty years with a career and references I wouldn't completely change my professional name if I were you. You won't have any connection anymore to all your previous references and writing, which is not helpful, I think.