Trophy wife

This is about the time -- two weeks left to my maternity leave -- that I start to set new and realistic goals for how I want things to go.  For example, I've decided to be a trophy wife.  (My parents always told me I could be anything I wanted to be if I worked hard enough at it.)  I haven't told David yet.

Now, some may ask, "Why not just shoot for being a SAHM (stay at home mom)?"  And I've considered that too.  If I wore a hat, it would be off to those ladies because they work so incredibly hard, and such long relentless hours.  Have you seen the estimates? They work an average of 91.8 hours a week and if paid in real dollars would make $138K per year.  If anyone actually paid them that money, I might consider that career change. That would buy a lot of massages, pedicures and babysitters. You know, to make up for the 91.8 hours.

But no, they don't get paid at all and they are not appreciated nearly enough -- not even close to how much they should be appreciated.  (Reward for cleaning up the poop of every member of the family?  Hint: not a gift certificate for a manicure and an offer of babysitting to make the manicure a real possibility.)

So I've been thinking that really what I want is to be a trophy wife.   You know, stay at home sometimes and sometimes go to resorts.  Spend some time at day spas while the babysitter stays at home with the kiddos for a few hours.  Maybe have a personal chef like Oprah does.  And a personal trainer to get the bod back in shape again. (the bod is a requirement for trophy wives I think.  Must check the handbook.) And time for all my hobbies.  Such as sleeping.  And if I run out of time to pursue a hobby (gardening, for example, which I know next to nothing about), I could hire the hot contractor to go ahead and get all the weeding caught up for me. Then I could plant a few colorful annuals and call it a day.

But mostly I could be with my kiddos however much I wanted to, and when my head is going to explode from the crying and lack of sleep, the babysitter can come over and give me a break so that I can run out to the mall for an expensive cup of gourmet coffee and a tiny square of Godiva dark chocolate (portion size is key when you are trophy wife like me.)

Of course, David will have to make some changes.  For example, he will have to at least triple his salary.  But that's not my problem.  I don't trouble myself with such things.

Comments

[maggie]

Great idea. I'll float that one by my sick-with-the-flu husband when I get home!

[Anjali]

Great idea! And trophy wives have full time nannies (one for each kid) even though they don't work!

[Eva]

Sounds like a plan!

More pics please.

[Aurelia]

I needed this laugh tonight. So bad....

So when are you getting the requisite boob job, oh aspiring Trophy Wife?