The High Tech Way

optimism

Every night I put on a nightgown, brush my teeth, wash my face and climb into bed. Ha!

Baby jokes

David has resurrected the concept of baby jokes, now that James is here. 

When Jack was about six weeks old, David started to tell Jack jokes.  Mostly they went like this: "Ga goo goo ga ga.  Ga ga ga goo.  Ga GA! (and then snicker like Ernie on Sesame Street)."  These always made Jack smile, even when he was very very tiny.

The jokes have evolved since then. They are more sophisticated now.  For example: "A baby walks into a bar and... hey, wait a minute! Babies don't walk! He he he he!"  Much to David's delight, James finds these as amusing as Jack did.

Isn't it ironic?

Five weeks and a day after James was born, I went in for my postpartum appointment. As the nurse showed me into the room she asked me if I was using any medication. When I said "no" she asked me what birth control I was using.  I had forgotten that this question would be coming, but my reaction this time was the same as it was at my postpartum appointment with Jack -- raucous laughter.  And I told them what I told the docs back in California.  I promise I won't pay the fertility doctors $10K plus, at least for a little while.

In this case, the fertility docs won't be getting any more money.  James is our last baby.  We have no plans to do another cycle.  And really we have birth control built in.  If we didn't we wouldn't have had to pay so much $ to have these two precious babies.  After all, I am 42 now and David's sperm numbers are below 1 million with about 1 percent motility and 0 percent morphology.

But when Dr. P brought up the subject again at my appointment on Thursday it reminded me of those discussions that adults have with those in their late teens which imply that any time you have sex you will get pregnant.  In my experience that has not been true.  Still, being cautioned against the evils of unplanned pregnancies made feel, all of the sudden, like some tremendously fertile young thing.  Dr. P said there is always a chance, unless your husband has zero sperm.  It made me almost hope that there was some hope. 

You see, even though I'm in a phase of getting very little sleep each day, I would not be sad if we got pregnant again.  When I was young and planning my life, I wanted AT LEAST two kiddos.  But I would have been happy with more. However, my better judgment tells me that I will never be one of those ladies who, after finishing with all her IVFs and IUIs and giving up on having a baby or having any more babies, against all odds gets pregnant.  That is one of those things I might secretly hope for but that will not happen.  (Many of us have the same secret wish about having twins, too.  But for me, it was not meant to be.)

As things are, more kiddos are not in the cards for us. I am intensely grateful for the two kiddos that we have been blessed with through the wonders of cutting edge science and medicine.  And my thought is that if we got pregnant again, that baby would be even more of a miracle than the FET baby and the IVF baby that are both now napping at our house (both napping at the same time?  Another miracle for sure!)   

And part of me is mourning the end of my "fertile" days and the idea that I might again someday become pregnant and have another baby.  It feels weird to not have that force be driving my life anymore.  It's been an undercurrent (or the main current) for so very very long.

Thus, in the end, it seems absurd to take the pill after all we've been through.   Like wearing a raincoat everyday during a relentlessly dry California summer.

Big new things this year

1. I started a new job in December, so it was still really new at the beginning of this year.
2. We bought a new house (January), moved across the country (March), and sold our old house(April) (in that order).
3. We had a CVS test to make sure our new IVF pregnancy was with a healthy baby. And it was. (January)
4. We remodeled various rooms of our new house, including the kitchen. (And remodeling is ongoing).
5. We had a baby. (July 25)
6. David got a new job which he starts on September 4.

I find myself frequently having fantasies about having a weekend off from the madness of it all. It has been so long since we had a vacation. Or just a few days away from this insane pace.

David's new job means a big change for me too.  We have both spent the last few years as telecommuters.  Now he is going into an office so I will be working from home all by myself (when I go back to work).  My regular lunch date will be unavailable!  And I will have to find some other way to add structure to my day and to go outside and interact with adults so that I can maintain my mental health.