How old is too old? Part two

Still thinking about this question in light of the many responses to Tertia's post including her own, and also the responses to this one. And I've also been thinking about the older parents I've heard of or known.  Now, keep in mind that I do not know the 60-year-olds. And I only know, know of or have met a handful of people who fit into this category.

In general I've decided that for those who haven't succeeded yet in having their baby the answer is older-than-they-are-right-now.  It just makes me want to cry to think about the hour glass running out of sand before someone has finished running through the course of treatment and exhausted their options.

Many people have said -- and I don't necessarily disagree with them -- that the answer may have more to do with the ability of the parent to care for the child in the long term.  If that is an argument against older parents then I think a similar argument could be made against parents who bring sextuplets to term.  Two people can't care for all those babies on their own.  (Which is the similar argument used against the old parents. Specifically that the old parents are too old and tired to take care of the baby or babies and will be really old when the kids graduate from high school or college or get married.) Both the old parents and the parents of high order multiples have most likely relied on assisted reproductive technology (ART) to conceive their babies.

And I thought of something else too.  I think there is a big double standard on this in that the male partner's age is not scrutinized to the same degree.  I was thinking particularly about David Letterman and his son Harry.  Letterman didn't seem like he would ever have a family, but since having that boy it is clear that the kid is the light of his life.  Since then he asks all his guests who are parents all about their parenting experiences and the cute things their kids have done. He is INTO it.  He loves that kid so much, and because of that I think Harry is such a lucky boy to be so adored by his Daddy.

Comments

[Artblog]

Your last paragraph was a good one and when I say too old at 60 I definitively count men in the equator. It's the parents ability to care for the child directly because of their age that bothers me, not what sex they are.

And you're right on too about your statement of those who bring sextuplets by choice, but then again when all the babies are healthy its hard to make that decision to reduce. I would not like to be in that situation, considering my own choices.

But having said that I don't think it's entirely the same thing as those who choose to have a child at 60+.

[Aurelia]

Jess,

I'm not saying I'd make rules, but I do think the media and Docs gloss over the statistics. We need more informed patients.

Practically speaking, there are more medical problems likely for older men and women using their own eggs/sperm, and more medical problems for pregnancy in women as they get older.

The under 18 and over 35 group have the highest likelihood of pregnancy complications and long-term health issues. But we all continue to pretend that teenagers give birth easily, right? On the other side, you are being closely monitored and you are educated, but how many women are reading those stories about older women and thinking..."I can wait!"

It's like multiples and risks, if they really research, then couples will know about it. And will be less likely to engage in risky behaviour.

[Eva]

Higher order multiples get me upset--for a few reasons, but mostly: for you to get pregnant (through ART) with so many babies, somebody did something wrong. Either the doctors weren't monitoring you well, or you were overstimulated and you had sex against orders. But even though through responsible ART it's practically impossible to have so many babies, people think of it as a common end, and maybe even a goal. It kind of gives ART a bad name. Same thing with people who are quite a bit older having babies this way.

Not that that's an argument against people doing this riskier reproductive things. Just something that always comes to mind when I read these stories.