Luck, and the way the Universe works

As previously reported here, the day after my egg retrieval the company I work for told me they would no longer require my services after Dec. 31.  That there were layoffs was not surprising to me.  This is the next-year-budget time of year and when everyone plans their cuts. But I was surprised they chose me.  I produce more quantity and quality than anyone else, and I am geographically located in the midst of where the industry I cover is located, unlike some others on the staff.

But for whatever reason, I was chosen.  And that it happened the day after retrieval did not make for a happy moment. What if the cycle worked and I was unemployed? We would be more than broke.

However, I had actually started looking for a new job in August because David and I are planning to move back to the East Coast, targeting the first half of 2007 for a move.  I was looking for a job that I could take with me when we move.

Five days after I was laid off, I got a job offer for a job that would do just that. It also pays almost 20 percent more, and is back working again for a favorite old boss.  Plus, because I was laid off before I got the offer, I still get a severance package. Had the job offer come through 10 days earlier, I would have just given my notice and not known anything about the severance package.

Honestly, I felt as though I had won the lottery.  I kept thinking -- we are NOT this lucky.  We have had crap luck the past eight years with all the deaths and infertility and layoffs, etc.  The severance, we thought, could cover a maternity leave, if necessary, since I would not be covered under the United States' crappy maternity leave policy as I would only be at my job for nine months before I had to take my leave. I would be lucky if they took me back after taking the time off.

Really, between the job and the positive pee sticks I have been feeling like our luck had really reversed itself. But now I'm not so sure.

Yesterday's low beta really surprised me and unhinged me a little.

I know everyone says that the doubling is what is important on the beta numbers.  But I have been pregnant three times total (not including this), and each time I had a doubling or tripling beta. 

Here are the stats:

Natural pregnancy (!)
16DPO hcg = 24
18DPO hcg = 59
miscarriage at 6 weeks

IVF #1
14 DPR hcg = 121
16 DPR hcg = 306
Diagnosed with Trisomy 18 at 18 weeks. D&E

FET #1
14 DP hcg = 165
16 DP hcg = 514
Turned into our Jack-pot!

With that trend in mind you can see why I don't put a lot of faith in the whole doubling thing as the total indicator of whether everything is OK.

However, I have since gone back to my old message boards and the multi-page thread where everyone has posted their betas.  It was reassuring to see that many of the people who had a beta at 14DPO/R in the range of what I got yesterday (83) had gone on to deliver healthy babies. 

I am desperately hoping that things are OK with this one too. The low beta has sort of drained all the new-job joy out of me.  THe clinic is letting me come back tomorrow to get another beta. Please, please let it be OK.

Comments

[Plain Jane Mom]

I'm so glad they're letting you come in for a Saturday draw. Good luck, and congratulations on the job news.

[Mel]

I'm glad you don't have to wait through the weekend. I'm crossing my fingers for you guys tomorrow. But 83 doesn't sound low at all.

Did you take the job? That is fantastic. Congratulations. Where on the East Coast? Beautiful Washington, D.C. perhaps?

[Artblog]

I agree, i don't think doubling rates mean much in the long run. I think I've learned that patience is the only sure indicator. You'll know for sure one day or other. I'll check in later to see how you're doing...

[Carlynn]

That is wonderful news about the job, I hope the beta news follows the same path. My beta for my first pregnancy was 79 on the 14DPO and the nurse told me the most important thing is that it doubles so I'm holding thumbs for you. Wouldn't it be the coolest thing if this was the beginning of an easy decade with no deaths and no more infertility and no more layoffs?

[Carlynn]

Mmm, I posted too fast. I went back and re-read your post. Please ignore my previous one. Pretend I wrote one like Mel's. She expresses it very well. I second her. I'll be back later too.

[Carlynn]

Still too fast, it was actually Artblog's comment I agreed with. I will just disappear now.