And it's only lunchtime

Again today I woke up about an hour before I had to and stared at the clock again, thinking this time about my job situation until it was time for me to get up.

My first layoff was in June 2001 and I was close to landing another job that September, but then terrorists attacked New York City and Washington and someone was sending Anthrax in the mail and that pretty much put an end to anyone’s hiring plans that year. It was enough to shake my confidence in my ability to come out OK at the other end of something like this.

So last night I had a dream that I was back working for an old boss who never really liked me very much. He was telling me how much stressful work I would have to complete each week and how little he would pay me for it. And then at some point I looked down the street and saw a big landmark building collapsing. Could this be a layoff/job anxiety dream?

I just dreaded being at work today. My company was kind enough to send my severance agreement so that it arrived on Saturday. I haven’t opened it yet. But everyone has been very nice to me today and not overly weird and icky. (If you’ve ever been laid off you know what I mean. It’s like you have leprosy. Other people are afraid of catching it from you. They are sorry for you, though. Still, they have no idea what to say to you so they avoid looking at you.)

Then I heard that someone had called one of my references for another job I’d hoped to get (and my desire to get that job increased exponentially after I got Friday’s lay off news…) On the one hand, that this reference was contacted raises my hopes about whether this job will come through. On the other hand, do things ever work out that smoothly for me? Not for a long time. I don’t want to get too excited or happy, because things could go sideways fast.

Then David and I went to our favorite burger place for lunch. My head was just spinning with the stuff that’s been going on the past few days between my job situation and the IVF.  So when the owner, who is just a super guy, asked us how we were doing we told him our heads were spinning. And then we told him why.  Turns out he and his wife went through fertility treatments for 10 years and did three IVFs, the last one transferring eight embryos, with no success. 

He talked about the toll it takes on your relationship and said he could see how solid David and I are.  He talked about what the hormones do to the woman.  He talked about the emotional roller coaster, which in the long run is more damaging than the expense. He was ONE OF US.  He was crying, and it made me cry. He said they’d talked about adopting but his wife is not keen on that solution.  They would make awesome parents, they are such a wonderful couple.

My head was spinning even more by the time we left there. I was in tears. I just want to make it better for them, even though they have decided they are finished. I know that IVF and other fertility treatments don’t work for everyone, and it makes me so sad. I am sad for the people who would be such wonderful parents and have endured disappointment after disappointment with no light at the end of the tunnel.

 

Comments

[Artblog]

Isn't it always the couples who would make such perfect parents are the ones who cant have any! Sod's law! How many children would love to change their useless parents and be the child to such couples! Life is so unbalanced at times...

[thalia]

HOw people are treating you at work sounds a bit like what they do when you've had a miscarriage. No one knows what to say, but they feel sorry for you so they avoid you. HUman beings really suck sometimes.